*Doing it Right?!

I will not pretend to be perfect or even an expert on the subject, but I am a parent of a teenage daughter that is asked constantly, how the kids I am raising are so well behaved and "normal". I will focus mostly on Ariel, because I have been her parent longest. She fills me with huge amounts of pride, and in the same sentence, can make me feel like I am literally going insane. I have tried many different methods of discipline with her over the years and I was always left feeling that she was impossible.......now that I am older, as is she, I think it was ME that was impossible. Let me explain. We have preconceived notions of what this child is "supposed" to be. And when this child colors outside of those preconceived lines, we balk. I am not saying that we (the parents) are always wrong in this.....but I am saying that we are NOT always right!

Ariel is 15 1/2, driving, hormonal, intelligent, sassy, emotional, insecure, hopelessly forgiving, unreliable around the house, completely devoted to her sports and activities, a mean big sister, very sharp tongued, relentless when she wants something, crazy funny, and manipulative. All VERY NORMAL things for a young lady on her way to  being her own woman.

Now, my discipline/parenting is completely dependant on the child's attitude and maturity. As I mentioned, Ariel is starting to drive. Well, driving is not a right.....it is a privilege....and you better bet that if my teenager is acting like a 4 year old that has been told they can't have ice cream, then SHE WILL NOT DRIVE. If she is unable to find a way to help around the house and show some responsibility (without being asked).....then she will be UNABLE TO FIND HER PHONE. If she makes the horrendous decision to lie to me, then she will not have the pleasure of going to friends' houses or parties......I can not trust that good decisions will be made away from me if she has made crappy ones in front of me.

So there you have it.....very very simple and very hard for the child/teenager to argue. You are simply treating them at the age/maturity level they are behaving in. If your 12 year old wants to whine and pout like a 2 year old, then very bluntly......THEY ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH FOR A PHONE! Would you buy a 2 year old a phone??? Didn't think so. If your child can not find a way to clean up after themselves, then THEY DO NOT NEED MORE THINGS!!! Why keep giving them more to take care of??? You are not FORCING this child to be anything that they are not ready for, if they want to be immature, then so be it. But you also should not reward their decision by treating them like they are mature and deserving of "older", more mature things.

We, as parents, need to take responsibility for our actions in enabling our children's bad behavior! You can not blame the child/teenager for what they have been ALLOWED to be. Have higher expectations of them, do not waver, and be rewarded!! They are not our puppets......but we can help them to be the BEST they will be when they are grown. Because we all know that selfishness, greed, hatefulness, temper tantrums and laziness don't just disappear in adulthood......who wants their child to be THAT PERSON when they are on their own??!! I sure don't.




If you have any nuggets of information that may be helpful to others on this topic, please feel free to share it below!